


Why Odin Always Uses Tissues Now

by burning_nova



Series: Kinkmeme Fills [21]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, I knew I forgot one, Mpreg, Not really incest? I have no idea how to label this!, Prompt Fic, Sneezing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 22:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burning_nova/pseuds/burning_nova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Fanon says that Loki will get pregnant when you so much as sneeze on him and one day Odin does... sneeze on him (I'm being literal here ;). So now Loki's new baby daddy is his actual daddy and family diners have never been more awkward.</p><p>No evil baby snatcher Odin please."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Odin Always Uses Tissues Now

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt found here: http://norsekink.livejournal.com/9985.html?thread=20201473#t20201473
> 
> I have trouble labeling this. It's incest but um not intentional or really even incidental? What the hell do label it? Do I still label it Odin/Loki as well but they're not really that?

Odin looked at the book and tried to decipher where it belonged on the bookshelf. He had taken it out a millennia ago and had finally gotten around to putting it away. He was certain it belonged on the top shelf but could not be entirely sure. 

“Father, may I have a word with you?” Loki asked from behind Odin. Odin turned and gave his youngest son a smile. 

“In a moment, Loki.” Odin said as he reached above his head to wedge the book between two heavy and musty tomes. As he pulled his hand back centuries of godly dust (more resistant to feather dusters than mortal dust) came down with it. Odin breathed in, wrinkled his nose, then sneezed. Unfortunately his first reaction was to turn his head back and sneeze in the absence of a handkerchief like any civilized king. Unfortunately he sneezed right on Loki. 

Loki for his part looked disgusted. “Father, that is disgusting! You are no better than Thor some days.”

Odin laughed then ran his finger under his nose. “I am sorry, son. I could not help it.” He looked pleased for a moment. “It has been a few centuries since I last sneezed. It felt like do time.”

“Yes, well next time- “ Loki paused then a look of abject horror passed his face. 

“Loki? What is the matter?” Odin reached to grab him and Loki pulled back in disgust. “Loki?”

“Oh, Father, oh Father-“ He shuddered and dry heaved for a moment. Then sand to the floor. “I told you to allow me the use of human contraception since you refuse to allow Asgard to invent any!” He wailed. “Now this has befallen me!”

“What has befallen you?” Odin asked alarmed. “I do not understand.” He reached again and Loki pulled back whimpering. “Aesir give birth seldom, so I see no need to invent anything.”

“Oh Father, you know I am not Aesir by blood! My hoard of children proves this enough.” he looked traumatized. “I became heavy with child from eating. And now-and now it seems…I-I-I have become with child from you sneezing!” Odin pulled back in shock and dismay. 

“That cannot-it is impossible-I-I-I-I“ Odin fainted. 

When he awoke he found himself in the halls of healing and looked at Thor above him. “Father?” Odin sat up, relieved. Oh it had been such a horrid nightmare. Such a horrid dream. “Father!” Thor said relieved. “Are you well?”

“Yes, yes, my son.” He said with no small measure of relief. “I had the most awful nightmare. I dreamt I had caused your brother to become with child from a mere sneeze! If not enough that I begat a child with my own child, but from so simple an act.” He said laughing. “Oh, I feared it were true.” He stopped at the look of mortification on Thor’s face. “Thor, it was a dream now wasn’t it?”

Thor pulled back and shuddered. “Nay, Father. It-it, my brother carries my newest sibling and nephew.” He looked at him with pity. “He is with Mother in his chambers. He is-I believe he has taken the news rather badly. As we all. We do not blame you, Father. We could not have known.” He paused. “I still hope to waken from a fit of madness but I know that this is truth. Father!” Thor cried as Odin sank back down. Odin placed his hand on his head.

“Oh, my son.” Odin said. “I fear this may be the end of me. Of us all.”

“I know father. We cannot keep this between us.” Thor said softly. “Loki has spoken the truth to Mother loud enough for the servants to hear.” He looked disgusted. “There is talk among the people; Sif informs me that our citizens have begun to call us Olympians.” 

“We must explain.”

“We will, but not now. You and Loki are not well. This, this has come at a great cost.” Thor sighed. “First we must await Loki’s decision as to whether he will keep the child.”

“You know he will keep it, Thor.” Odin said, thinking about his newest offspring-grandchild sent waves of revulsion through him. “He senses the moment his children’s lives begin, he cannot bear to end them.” He heaved a great sigh. “Oh what willl the people think? There has been many calls for Loki to marry over the years, more-so with every new child but this one. He will be of Our House. Our blood. In more ways than one. But who would he marry?” He moaned. “They already call us Olympians! What will they demand now?”

“To keep it in the family, I fear.” Thor said with a shudder. “I will not marry my brother, Father. I will run to Earth and adopt their culture with a drop of their funny hats if you demand this of me, of us.”

“No, no. We must be truthful. After all everyone is aware of Loki’s problem with-with-”

“Fecundity?” Thor offered.

“Thor,” Odin said amazed. “I did not know you knew that word. I am proud of you.” Thor looked offended. “But yes. They will believe us. They will have to believe us.” He sat up with a cry of joy. “We will have Heimdall testify that none of this occurred under no ill home, under no Olympic values.”

“Yes, that will be enough.” Thor said relieved. “Thrice-sworn and this will relieve us of some guilt.”

“Why only some?”

“Well you did sneeze ON Loki, Father. You are as much at fault as he.”

“Thor, go bring your Mother. I must speak with her. Stay with your brother.”

“Yes, Father.” Thor got up and headed to his brother’s chambers. 

When he entered he found his mother consoling his brother, who lay in his bed hugging a pillow with all his might. He did not cry but his face showed his displeasure, disgust, and dismay. “Mother, Father would speak with you.” 

Loki gave a cry at that and placed the pillow over his head while yelling: “As I would have had with him!”

Frigga looked torn but nodded. “I will go. Stay with him, Thor. He needs us in this trying time.” Loki pulled off the pillow.

“I am not dead nor dying! I am merely-“ He shuddered. “Thank Hel, I am adopted. This would be worse if I were of this family’s true blood.”

Thor sat with this brother and listened as he raged. 

Things became better. Heimdall swore what he had seen and people stopped calling them Olympians to their faces. Thor would leave on occasion to forget seeing his brother swell with his newest brother-nephew and to become very drunk on Midgardian liquor. 

The Avengers learned to avoid him at these times because if they had to hear one more thing about his father knocking up his brother they were going to throw up and petition to ban Asgardians from Earth. 

Gods and their damn incest.


End file.
